Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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