If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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