she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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