He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
