Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
