No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
