Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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