do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
