There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
