a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
