dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
