Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
