You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
