I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You need a sexual gate keeper
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
