Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
