He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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