It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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