Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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