My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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