So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
