I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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