he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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