I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
