Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
