My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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