Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
