I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We're too hungover to prance.
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