Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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