I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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