I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
