oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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