He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize