You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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