I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
