I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
