i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
