that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
