eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
