sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
