Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
