this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
