Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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