The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
