you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
