She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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