please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
