I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
