I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
