the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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