fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize