new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need a burrito and a hug.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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