You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
