Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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