I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
