apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
