nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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