seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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