I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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