We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
