Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
