Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
