i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
