By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
