Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
