The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
