maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
