I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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