She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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