they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
