About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
