Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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