standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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